Two Brothers
by ArminaSkitty
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke are both orphans, so what would happen if someone adopted them? And was then killed in the line of duty? What kind of Chaos could those two get into if Naruto taught Sasuke the joy of pranks? I foresee adults in need of therapy....
1. How it started

Author Notes: I know, I know! I have other fics I need to work on, and it's "Another Nartuo Fic". I'm sorry, but this was an idea that was screaming to be written about. Naruto and Sasuke are both orphans, right? All family for both of them, completely gone, right? So _what if _someone adopted them and made them brothers? What kind of chaos could the prankishly clever Naruto and the intelligent, quick-thinking Sasuke get into? But first: How did them come to live together in the first place?

One last thing, as I've said in other fics, this is a starter chapter, it sets up the world and initiates the plot. So, if you want to get to the good stuff, you got to wade through this and go to the next chapter. Just thought I'd clue you into the fact that first chapters tend to suck, or at least mine do. meh...

* * *

It was raining hard and Naruto was so cold he was numb, but that didn't matter. Neither did the fact that Konoha was buzzing like a nest of angry, disturbed bees. Nothing mattered to Naruto save for one thing: his Okaa-sama was missing.

Naruto vaguely recalled something about her being sent after that recently orphaned, kidnapped Uchiha boy, but he'd heard that days ago and she had been missing since this morning. And for whatever reason, the fact that she was missing gave Naruto a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

So here he was, a six-year-old boy, out in the pounding rain, running into the thickest part of the forest surrounding Konoha because that same feeling in his gut told him to go there. Or he was running until something red caught his eye. A big something red. His mother Larania.

Naruto ran up to her and then stopped a few feet away, staring in horror. She was covered in deep, freely bleeding wounds, slumped against a tree trunk and curled around something; seemingly unconscious. That something was the Uchiha boy, and from the looks of it he was caught in the throes of terrible fever.

"O-Okaa- Okaa-sama..?" Naruto called tentatively. His back was hunched not against the cold or the rain now, but against the fear that she wouldn't respond. Even at a mere six, Naruto knew what those wounds could mean, and what death was. But the kind, dark eyed woman raised her head and smiled at her adopted son with bloodstained lips. She coughed slightly and more blood spilled out. One eye was closed and bleeding. Naruto feared it would never open again. He feared a lot of things right then actually.

"Naru-kun…" She called out in a faint whisper, "I brought… him… your brother…"

Naruto rushed over to her side, "Brother? What do you…?"

"I didn't get… the chance to… tell you… I adopted… Sasuke… so you… would have… someone… to play with… to grow… up with…" Larania whispered at him, "You need… to take care… of him… for a while… He needs… someone… to be… with him…"

"But you can do that, right?" Naruto asked franticly. There was so much blood, her skin was so cold, he didn't know what to do. "You'll be there for him, right? You promised-!"

"Sor..ry, can't… keep… it… know…" she said in so faint a voice that the child could barely hear her over the rain. "Take… care… of… Sasuke… and… tell… him… he… needs… to… care… for… you… to…" Her eye closed and her head slumped forward as she sighed softly. And didn't take a new breath. Naruto clutched her arm and shook it slightly.

"Okaa-sama?" He asked fearfully shaking her arm harder, "Okaa-sama! _Okaa-Sama!_" Tears spilled down unheeded as the truth sank into his brain, but his heart refused to acknowledge it. He backed away slightly and stared at the figure that kept blurring unless kept he scrubbing at his eyes. But when he did, a scent reached his noise; the bitter scent of blood. His hands were covered with it, deep crimson, so deep that it filled his vision entirely with red…

* * *

Naruto lurched up out of bed with a silent gasp and sat there panting for a bit as he told his heart that no, it didn't need to pound its way out of his chest, it was good right where it was, thanks. That accomplished, he took in a deep breath and scrubbed at his face. _How long has it been since I've had that dream? Over a year at least, I think._ The youth gave himself a shake, trying to throw off the spell the nightmare had cast, then looked down to his right.

Naruto gave a quiet snort at the sight of the blanket ball next to him there on the futon; Sasuke wasn't what you could call a morning person and had responded to the evil onslaught of sunlight by curling up under his blankets like a wounded caterpillar. _I know that pose, that's the 'I _Will Not_ get up for another hour, go away' pose._ Naruto grinned now, the most popular boy in their age group lay there, and if any of his groupies knew about his lethargy…

The blue-eyed boy stood up and stretched, snickering slightly. If any of the Konoha girls knew of any of Sasuke's domestic habits, they might not sigh so often over him. _Nobody's perfect, but will they hear any of it? No, nope, nu-uh, 'specially not from me. _Morning stretches completed, Naruto bounced over to the kitchen area to make breakfast. That was the other domestic skill that Sasuke didn't do so well in. _'Do so well in'? The more truthful answer would be 'lacks entirely'. _How_ he can boil an egg for an hour and gets it to turn out half burnt, half raw, I will never know._

But somehow Sasuke had managed it, and also had managed to turn instant ramen into an inedible, congealed mass. _And what he does to tea and toast…_ Naruto shuddered in unfeigned horror over the cooking scrambled eggs at the thought, _no, better not think about that while I'm cooking._ Naruto on the other hand, while he didn't like to get up with the sun, would actually be functional within five minutes of rising. _And while I don't think I'll ever be a gourmet chef, all the food _I_ produce is edible._ A memory of a smoking oven wafted to the fore of his mind in rebuke. _Okay, not _all_ of my attempts end in success, but I at least know what I did wrong there! How was I to know that the timer didn't work and that the oven was a hundred degrees hotter than the dial said? Not my fault! I blame that one on the equipment!_

The eggs were done and so was the sausage. The toast dinged up from the toaster and the tea had been brewing while Naruto had been cooking. Time to wake the other diner. _Oh. Joy. A B-class mission before breakfast. Just what I always wanted._ Naruto stalked over to the futon stretched out on the floor in the bedroom.

Both boys suffered from nightmares on a regular basis and years ago had found it easier if they slept right next to each other. The presence of another person was somehow soothing to both of them, and if a nightmare woke one of them, the other would be there to reassure the sufferer. _Try explaining that to Sakura though._ Naruto winced at that particular memory, _man, does she know how to pitch a fit or what? Maybe I should call her in, see if she can wake Sasuke up? Nah, she'd enjoy that too much. Oh well._ Naruto prodded Sasuke in the ribs with his toe. At least, he thought it was his roommate's ribs, it was hard to tell. The blanket ball shrunk as Sasuke curled up tighter and a sound could be heard.

"Breakfast is ready." Naruto said, loudly. Another noise issued from the blankets. _Was that a grunt or a moan? Maybe I'll ask Kakashi-sensei._

"I'm going to eat your share if you don't get up." Another mystery noise. Naruto shoved the ball hard enough to make it rock, and the noise made this time was definitely one of protest. But somehow the ball shrunk further accompanied by another grunt.

"Ah, c'mon, wakey wakey Sasu-chan. Sun's shinin' and day's a-wastein'." A sound that may have been an insult, had it been discernible, rumbled out. Naruto growled and latched onto the blankets.

"Alright, that's it, time- oof- to- arg- get- erk- _up!_" Naruto was able to wrestle half of the blankets away from a very resentful Sasuke which enabled him to see that yes, Sasuke was still under there and hadn't been replaced by a changeling. But Naruto had guessed that from the moment he woke up. A changeling probably wouldn't have put up even half the fight that Sasuke was.

"Give- grr- me- umf- back- ack- my- erg- _blankets!_" the dark eyed genin snarled, somehow coherent after all his efforts to remain asleep.

"No- ouch- way! It's- rawr- way- grar- to late- ow- for that! Leggo!"

"No way! You leggo!" And things degenerated from there into an all-out brawl. Just like every morning.

* * *

_Stupid training program, _Sasuke silently groused as he attacked his eggs,_ forcing people to get up at unholy hour. Stupid Kakashi, making us get up before the sun, then making us _wait!_ Stupid Naruto, making- hey wait a sec._ The dark-eyed youth looked up at his roommate, who was listlessly poking at his eggs.

"Alright, what's wrong?" Sasuke asked. Naruto was acting in a very un-Naruto like fashion.

"Huh?" The blue-eyed nin asked, staring blankly at Sasuke. While staring blankly was a usual thing for Naruto, it wasn't what he did after being questioned by Sasuke. Adopted brothers they might be, but Naruto still got all defensive if Sasuke questioned him. Or perhaps _especially_ if Sasuke questioned him.

"I haven't had to tell you to shut up once this morning and usually I've had to say like five times at least by now." Sasuke pointed out. _Plus he's not inhaling everything in sight, plus he's not forcing me to fight for my food, _plus_ he's not harping me on my sleeping habits and cooking abilities. Something is definitely up with him._ "Something's always wrong with you if I get to eat breakfast in peace. What is it? You sick?"

Naruto shrugged, "No. I had a dream about Okaa-sama."

_Oh._ "Ah, I see." Sasuke fell silent after that and just watched Naruto with concern. Larania was a sore subject for the boys, but Naruto especially. Sasuke didn't have very many memories about the woman how had offered to adopt him and give him a home after his clan's destruction, but all of them were good. _Like her holding me while I cried myself out, all the while reassuring me that I wasn't being a baby. Or her promising that she wasn't going to force me to call her Okaa-san because I already had an Okaa-san, who could never be replaced. And a whole lot of other things._

But for Naruto, it was different. Sasuke had had a family, but Larania was the only family Naruto had ever had. That she had been taken two years after she had been found was a very cruel thing. _It doesn't matter that it was six years ago, Naruto isn't going to forget or get over it. I'm just surprised that he accepted me. It was kind of my fault that Larania-dono was killed._

Sasuke stared down at his plate, the memories of the past still fresh and sharp-edged. His brother Itachi had annihilated the Uchiha clan, sparing only Sasuke, then had fled. Larania had approached Sasuke a week after the only survivor had been orphaned and offered to adopt him. Sasuke had accepted without really knowing why he did so, but before anything could be officialized, Itachi had returned briefly, to take Sasuke. All of Konoha had risen up in protest and had sent out her top Jounins, Larania among them.

Many had returned, unable to find anything; a few had disappeared without a trace. One had returned, dying, with the thing that they had all been sent out to find; Larania. Naruto had been the one to find her had led the other Jounins to them with his crying. When the others had arrived, Naruto had been cradling Sasuke trying to keep him warm and Larania was dead.

_Supposedly they got a lot of information out of Larania-dono's body. Gods know they didn't get anything out of me._ Sasuke literally had no memory of what happened from the moment that Itachi had grabbed him to the moment that he woke up in the Konoha hospital. The intense examination that had followed had not been able to find the cause of the terrible fever he had been suffering from, nor what had happened to him during his capture. The only thing that Sasuke knew after he had awakened was that the only way that the adults were going to pry Naruto away from him was with a crowbar.

Naruto had spent every day that Sasuke had in the hospital by his bedside, not talking much, just keeping company. Sasuke had craved that constant company terribly; it kept him from having to think about anything. Each time he let his thoughts stray they led back to the Massacre. It had been at that point that Naruto and Sasuke had declared each other brother orphans, and had sworn to never leave each other. _We still keep to that oath, mismatched as we are. Funny that._

Naruto gulped down the last of his tea and rose, taking his dishes to the sink. Sasuke watched him quietly and noticed that Naruto was staring at the calendar on the kitchen wall over the counter.

"Oh, so that's why." Naruto said frankly, as if everything that had ever happened in history had just been explained. Sasuke glanced at the calendar as Naruto walked over to the door, and winced when he noted the date. The 10th day of Spring; the day that Larania had died._ Yeah, that would be why Naruto's out of sorts. I can't wait to try and explain this one to Sakura and Kakashi-sensei._

"I'll be back later." Naruto called over his shoulder.

"Right," Sasuke acknowledge and then went over to wash the dishes. He wouldn't have to meet the rest of Cell Seven until ten a.m. _Plenty of time to try and figure how to explain why Naruto won't be showing up today._ Sasuke thought cheerfully, then slumped with a sigh. _Yeah, right, sure, who'm I kidding? Dammit, Naruto! Why do you always leave me to clean up your messes! _He thought furiously as he scrubbed at the dirty frying pan.

* * *

The meeting time had been set at 9:30 a.m. Sasuke and Sakura didn't bother to show up at the training grounds' meeting point until 10. Kakashi didn't show up until 10:45, using some lame excuse of helping an old lady

"You're Late!" Sakura yelled crossly. It was bad enough that Naruto never showed up, so that she didn't have someone to feel superior over, but Sasuke was even quieter than usually today. So Kakashi-sensei's usually stunt of appearing hours late was chafing more than usual

"As is per usual." Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes, "I really need to remember to bring my own book."

Kakashi chuckled at that fair jibe, then glanced around. "Where's Naruto?" he asked, staring straight at Sasuke. While Naruto was the one most likely to ditch, none of Kakashi's students were at all truly likely to skip out on a mission. Sasuke and Sakura were too serious (plus Sakura would rather chop off her own hand than sacrifice any time that she could spend with Sasuke), and Naruto loved going on missions then messing around.

Sasuke avoided Kakashi's stare and cleared his throat nervously as the stare turned into a fierce glare at the youth's evasion.

"Well?"

"Er, um you see- I don't really- Well, it being the 10th- I'll go get him!" Sasuke lamely answered, darting off. He kept forgetting that Kakashi-sensei could be scary if he wanted to be. The 'Scary Person' and Sakura exchanged confused glances after watching the retreating youth disappear. Then Kakashi smacked his fist into his palm, making Sakura squeak in surprise.

"It is the 10th isn't it?" He said, "Huh, I'd forgotten."

"Forgotten what, sir?" She asked. She had never seen Sasuke act like that before, ever. He'd acted positively undignified, something that was unheard of for Sasuke. Not that he acted in the manner that she thought he should whenever he was around that Naruto, but still!

"I'll tell you a bit on the way," Kakashi said, interrupting his student's thoughts, "I think I know where they are." The Jounin set off, the young Kunoichi in tow. Sakura listened to the story of the boys' past in shock, and was even more surprised when she and her sensei ended up on the bluff above the cemetery. It wasn't a spot she thought she'd ever see Naruto, but sure enough, there he was staring at one of the gravestones. Sasuke was sitting next to him, talking. It was too far away for Sakura to hear, but whatever he was saying wasn't having any affect on Naruto that she could see.

"Every 10th of Spring," Kakashi said softly, "Naruto has a habit of coming here to pay his respects to his mother. I saw him once, a couple years ago. I thought it was weird that a kid would be out here all by himself, all day. He's never failed to show up, and Sasuke usually spends time here too, thanking the woman who died to save his life."

"But why?" Sakura asked, confused, "It seems so… morbid."

Kakashi turned to lean his back against the rail fence on the bluff, "I can see why. If someone gave you a gift as great as the one she gave those boys, it'd make an impression that would never leave."

"Gift?"

"Unconditional love." Kakashi said, "Larania-san was sterile, she could never have kids. Those two are orphans, they will never see their birth-mothers' face again. A mother without a child, two children without a mother. She adopted Naruto first, and I've seen true mother-and-son pairs with less love. She was willing to take in Sasuke, when there was a nasty rumor about a curse on the Uchiha house after the Massacre. No one else was willing to care for him after that; except her." Kakashi glanced over his shoulder to the two still forms sitting in front of one particular stone. "She gave those two her heart. How can you forget, or not honor a gift like that."

Sakura didn't reply at first, just looked down and mulled over what she'd been told. "The mission for today is canceled, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I think it is."

* * *

A.S.:Okay, there's part of the back story, from here I'm planning on showing the past, ie: what these two got up toin their childhood.

Sasu, Naru: NOOOOO! (pounce A.S., tie her up, lock her away and throw away the key)

Sasuke: Do to unexpected difficulties, this fic will not be continued. We apologize for th- HEY!

A.S.: (storms out of cell, radiating fighting aura) Did you forget that I'm the Almighty Author and that I can do whatever I want?

Sasu, Naru: EEP!

Naruto: Run away! Run away!

Sasuke: Don't leave me alone, you coward!

Naruto: Then hurry up! (Both scamper off to hide behind a pile of sandbags and slam on pith helmets)

A.S.: Sigh, in spite of what I just said, don't expect this fic to be updated that often. I'm a full-time college student taking twelve units, plus I work part time, Plus I'm VP of the anime club I founded (I stepped down as Prez, do to stress) Needless to say, I'm busy and an update a month will be a miracle. Not to say that this puppy won't be updated, I despise abandoned fics and will not do so hear. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this and see you next time.

Sasu, Naru: NOOOOOO! NO Embarrising tales of our childhood! Oh the Humanity!

A.S.: Shut up you two! It's call humor!


	2. Fun with Paints!

Chapter 2

A.N.: This is a mega 'what if' scenario… again. I seem to like these kinds of scenarios. This was dually spawned from when I read the manga flashback scene when Naruto went to the playground to play with the other children, only to watch sadly as the parents took their children away. I wanted to glomp and reassure him so bad right then… so I made a chara and story line to do it for me! Heh, heh...

The next scene that made me think up this story was during the Sasuke/Naruto battle flashback scenes; after Sasuke's clan was killed he went off to grieve/pout/sulk on the pier where he first gained his father's praise and he catches Naruto looking at him. They both snub each other then, but both smile afterwards, clearly thinking 'I'm not alone in being alone'. What if, instead of snubbing each other, one goes to talk to the other so they don't _have_ to be alone? What if, after that, they decided to live with each other, so that they are even less alone? This story combines those 'what if' scenarios.

Finally, the first chapter is a kind of 'this is where I'm coming from' chap. It sets up the story and background so that the next chapters won't have you guys going, 'Eh? Say what now? Where'd this come from?' I'm going to be doing childhood scenes, and I'll probably be jumping around, a lot. If/when I go back to the 'current' timeline (ie: when Sasuke and Naruto graduate and join cell 7) I'll proceed in the standard way, but for the childhood scenes, it's going to be when the idea hits me and what age I feel would work best with the prank. For example, the following chapter occurs when the boys are seven years old, the next chapter after this will happen when they are ten. I might then go to the present and do a little bit of plot and skip the fluff, I don't know yet. Anyway, enjoy the cute childish fun of a failed prank!

* * *

"How did you talk me into this again?" Sasuke asked the figure perched high up in the tree that the child was leaning against.

"'Cause Stick-In-The-Mud-Ebisu will look good in colors." Naruto answered as he balanced the can of bright magenta paint on the trip board he and Sasuke had rigged. Naruto's simple answer brought up an image in Sasuke's mind of the stiff-neck covered in magenta, chartreuse and neon orange and blue paint. The dark-eyed child sniggered and conceded defeat, that image was the reason he had agreed to be look-out for this stunt in the first place.

He sobered and quickly opened his book on beginner-level jutsu seals as a small group of Chuunins passed by. That was the signal for Naruto to lay low until they passed. Sasuke sighed as they passed by. Even though he had agreed to this, this prank was not what Sasuke had had in mind when he'd bugged Naruto to snap out of his mood yesterday. Yesterday had been the 10th, the first year anniversary of Larania's death. Naruto had spent the entire day moping in front of her grave stone. The other boy had spent the day keeping him company, but even respect for the honorable deceased had not been enough to keep Sasuke from getting bored. So he had spent the entire time pestering his fair-haired friend about his depression.

_He's _boring_ right now. I thought he was the village trouble-maker. I thought he'd be trying to get me to help him in some terrific pranks. I thought we'd have a lot of fun, Naruto trying to prank, me trying to stop. But instead he sits and sighs all day, and sulks whenever I try and get him to do anything!_ Sasuke pouted at the thought and then looked up at a muffled exclamation.

"You okay?" he called.

"Yeah, the can slipped a little and pinched me." Naruto called down in an insulted tone. Just then Sasuke heard the sound of people coming and hissed for Naruto to be quiet as he opened his book again. He would have been better off jumping up to join his adopted brother; the two who walked up the path were the Dreaded Pester Girls, Sakura and Ino.

"Oh! Sasuke-kun!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Sa-suke-_kun!_" Ino cooed and wasted no time in glomping the object of her affection. _Ack! Girl Cooties!_ Sasuke thought in alarm as he flailed, trying to get away. His alarm was deepened as Sakura puffed up in indignation and tried to drag _her_ Sasuke away from _that_ Ino. The dark-eyed boy then began a desperate struggle to get away from the two.

Abruptly though, the struggle ceased when Sakura let go suddenly, causing Sasuke to fall on top of Ino who let go in surprise. He took advantage of that and leapt off and away from the Pester Girl and stared at Sakura, who was pointing up at the thing that no one else until then had noticed; Naruto and his paint-drop rig.

"Oh, what are you doing?" She cried out, ignoring Ino's protests of rough treatment. "You're going to get into trouble!"

"Not if you don't say anything!" Sasuke retorted as Naruto looked down at the two girls in panic. "Go away, you're interfering! We don't want you here!"

"You're _helping him?_" Ino cried in horror, "Sasuke, how could you?"

"Easily," he snapped back angrily, "Shoo! Go away! Go play with flowers or something! You're in the way!"

"No!" Sakura exclaimed, causing both Ino and Sasuke to stare at her in shock. Sakura flushed at the attention, but pursued her agenda, "I can't let you, you'll get in deep trouble, helping _that_ Naruto. I-" she paused, rallying her courage, "I'm going to stop you!"

With that, she leapt up to the bottom-most branch and climbed her way up to where Naruto was. The blonde boy looked extremely panicked and confused, this wasn't supposed to have happened! Sasuke was supposed to have diverted all attention down to him, the good studious boy studying his seals and away from Naruto at his work.

"No, wait, stop!" He cried out, trying to prevent Sakura from ripping up hours of hard work and planning. It had taken a lot of time last night for Sasuke and him to design a hidden rig that would spill the paint without dropping the cans. Naruto didn't want to hurt anybody, just get a laugh out of their embarrassment. He also didn't want to get caught at it, so this rig was special since it could be tripped at a distance. And now Sakura was trying to rip it apart!

Sasuke leapt up, followed by Ino, but both for different reasons. Sasuke was trying to help Naruto preserve their rig, but Ino was fighting both with Naruto and with Sakura, trying to get Sasuke's attention focused on _her_. Needless to say, things dissolved into an all-out brawl as the four seven-year-old Ninjas-in-training each tried to pursue their own goals. That's when the branch, weak already from being strained by the rig and an active child moving around on it, started to give way.

At first the children didn't notice, then the branch gave an almighty protest at the weight and movement by letting out a loud groan. The children stopped all activity, which allowed them to hear the next noise, a loud pop; followed by a series of snaps. Right on the heels of the snaps came a deafening _crack!_ With that declaration, the branch gave way entirely, spilling the four children and the many cans of paint onto the ground. Which was a steep slope. With a cleared road right beneath them. That led straight into the heart of the Konoha market area.

"_WAAHH!"_ the four cried as they tumbled uncontrollably down the road along with the paint cans. People scattered right and left, hastily getting out of the way of the startling mass. Fortunately for the health of the four children they didn't tumble for very long and the cans somehow missed hitting them. Unfortunately the thing that stopped them was a market stall, which was owned by the _crankiest_ and most _unforgiving_ old couple in Konoha. When Sasuke was able to get his eyes to focus and his aching head to comprehend what he saw, he noticed the fact that the couple didn't seem too thrilled with the fact that their stall was now the brightest and most imaginatively decorated stall on the market street.

"Uh-oh." Naruto said.

"Yeah." Sasuke agreed.

"I _told _you'd get in trouble!" Sakura said in a frightened voice.

* * *

Sandaime had accomplished many things in his long years. He had successfully attempted many difficult tasks, things that others would have called impossible. Little fazed him, he knew that he just need to calmly focus on the task at hand, dissect it mentally, piece by piece and proceed appropriately. But right now he was terribly afraid he would fail at his current task: keeping a straight face and not laughing at the four paint-splattered children presented before him.

This task was rendered even more difficult by the fact that he couldn't bring himself to be angry at them, the couple who's stall they had 'improved' had been a continuous thorn in his side. Immovably conservative, they refused to change their ways and protested any and every change that was made to the village and further refused to bring their market stall up to code.

So, in fact, Sandaime was thankful of the rather, ah, _colorful_ children before him; their actions were going to force that obstinate, pig-headed, rock-brained couple to fix their stall or have the most imaginatively colored one on the market street. _I just wish the boys had picked colors that were more complimentary._ It was rather amusing really, how the colors seemed to have chosen the person it flattered least to splash the most. Chartreuse made an ugly highlight in Naruto's already bright hair, magenta cast an unflattering contrast on Sasuke's fair skin and dark hair. Neon blue and neon orange fought for dominance on pastel complexioned Ino and Sakura. Their appearance, in spite of the colors, was exceedingly comical and unbearably cute. But that only made Sandaime's task of scolding and punishing them all the more difficult.

_I believe that I've frowned sternly at them long enough,_ he thought as even the defiant Sasuke dropped his eyes in fearful submission. That was another interesting facet, how the four children's demeanor shadowed at their personalities. Naruto was guilty and resigned; he'd been here before and had been scolded and dismissed as unimportant. He was clearly expecting more of the same, but didn't want the others to suffer it. Sasuke was angry, defiant, and shamed; angry at the girls, defiant towards the Hokage and shamed at the mess that had been made of a quiet probably innocent prank. Sakura was scared and even more guilty than Naruto; this was all new to her, but she clearly felt that the reason the four of them were here was her fault. Ino was just confused and terrified, but then, she wasn't as intelligent as the other three. _Not that you could tell that Naruto is smarter than she is from their grades. But the complexity of his pranks makes up for that._

"What do you children have to say for yourselves?" Sandaime finally growled.

"It's all his fault!" Ino screamed immediately, pointing at Naruto, who seemed to expect as much.

"It is not!" Sasuke cried back, just as loud and three times as furiously. "If you two hadn't messed things up-!"

"Enough!" Sandaime rumbled threateningly. Sasuke and Ino shushed, Sasuke flushed with anger, Ino pale with fear. "Naruto, Sakura, have you anything to say?"

"It's all my fault." They chorused. They glanced at each other and Naruto motioned for Sakura to continue.

"It's my fault." She repeated soflty, "If I hadn't been so foolish, none of this would have happened. I shouldn't have tried to do what I did, I made a mess of things."

Sandaime nodded, "Naruto, you're turn."

"It's not Sakura's fault," Naruto mumbled, "it's mine. It was my idea. I asked Sasuke to help me, even though he didn't want to. If he hadn't been there, the girls wouldn't have tried to stop me. It's my fault everybody's here."

By this point, Sasuke was practically prancing with the need to say something. Sandaime motioned for him to go ahead, least Sasuke explode.

"Neither of them are at fault!" He stated firmly, "I'm the one who tried to get Naruto to do something, I pestered him about it all day yesterday!" Sandaime sneaked a quick look at the calander and noted that yesterday had been the first year anniversary of Larania's death. Sasuke continued, "All Naruto asked me to do was stand lookout for him, nothing more! If I'd done my job right, the girls won't have seen Naruto and they wouldn't have made such a mess of things! If Naruto is at all at fault, then I'm just as guilty and should be punished the same as him!"

The current Hokage looked at Sasuke with no little pleasure. The child was flushed and defiant, glaring at the Third, daring him to try anything. Sasuke was determined to protect Naruto, a thing that astonished and deeply touched the other boy, judging by the look on the blue-eyed child's face. _For a while there, I was afraid, what with all that had happened to him…_ Sandaime turned his mind back to the matter at hand. ..._that fear is no longer a concern._

"You are all equally at fault in this matter, and will be punished equally." Sandaime said. He had decided on what to do with them the moment he had received the report of the matter. He had called them here to see if there was anything more he needed to do. _No worries on Naruto and Sakura, I'll need to keep an eye on Sasuke and I'll have to have a word with Ino's parents to have them teach her responsibility._ "Naruto, you spawned the idea. Sasuke, you encouraged and abetted Naruto in this. Sakura, Ino, you made this mess worse by trying to interfer physically instead of getting adult help or trying to talk the boys out of it.

"Your punishment is quiet simple, and I think you'll agree that it's appropriate. You will undo the damage you made with this debacle by repairing the damaged stall." He paused as the children slumped in relief. With all the fuss, they feared that they would receive far worse. Then Sandaime dropped the other shoe, "You will do this under the direct supervision of the owners of the stall." The children's faces fell a mile, that couple was notorious for their hatred of children. "Be grateful it isn't worse, there was a 'request' that you be flogged for this."

Little wonder who had requested the flogging. But now that he'd filled them with fear and dread, time to lighten the mood a little. "Naruto, Sakura, I'm proud of you for trying to assume full responsibility. That will stand you in good stead in the future." The two named perked up a little. "Sasuke, I'm also proud of you for your immediate defense of your friend, that will also stand you in good stead." The dark-eyed boy straightened and looked up a bit.

"Now you girls, go get yourselves cleaned up, unless you want to start a new fashion trend." He finished lightly. Sakura giggled a little and Ino affected horror at the thought that paint splatters could be a fashion trend. "Boys, I'd like to speak with you a little more." The girls exited, looking worried for Sasuke's sake, and the boys approached the desk nervously.

Sandaime regarded the boys, feeling a little shame himself, especially on Naruto's behalf. The day that Larania had adopted Naruto, she had confronted the Hokage with the very real possibility that the boy could become an even worse threat then Kyubi had been if he was continually treated in the way he had been. The phenomenal power of the demon with a human mind directing it; it was clearly a terrible weapon, one that could be used for Konoha, or against it. _And one that cannot be coerced into use, only requested. And the village seems determined to turn Naruto completely against us._

Only Larania had clearly seen past the demon to the lonely little boy that Naruto truly was and was willing to love him. That was also a thing that she had shoved in Sandaime's face. _But she is dead now, retrieving another of the village's precious resources, and one that could also be turned against us through neglect._ Ever since the Massacre, Sandaime was fearful that Sasuke would suicide out of grief. Larania's actions had canceled that fear, but brought out another; that without parental direction Sasuke would go rogue. That fear was still valid, even more so now that he spent all his time in Naruto-the-prankster's company.

Or rather, it had been, until the carefully crafted blueprints of the rig Naruto had tried to make yesterday had been brought to Sandaime. It had been made with safety in mind, only the paint would have been allowed to fall, not the cans that held it. A truly harmless prank.

"I'm curious as to what you two were _trying _to do." Sandaime said, bringing out the blueprints that had been taken from the boys' home. "This is a very well thought-out structure, it's amazing that two seven-year-old boys made it." He smiled at them, trying to invite confidence. _They need adult attention. They need to know that at least one adult likes them and wants to spend time with them. Even if I cannot spent much time caring for these two, so long as they know that I want to, they should respond. And they deserve to have attention paid to them._

The two glanced at each other, Naruto optimistic, Sasuke cautious. Naruto bounced closer. "We were going to give Stick-in-the-mud Ebisu more color." Naruto smiled oh-so-innocently. Sandaime lost the battle he'd been fighting this entire interview and burst out laughing. Naruto grinned and giggled, Sasuke looked torn between laughing as well, and being scandalized. One look from Naruto caused him to giggle along as well.

"Very clever you two." Sandaime approved, "You made a rig that would, ah, just _brighten_ Ebisu a little without hurting him and from the looks of the remains it would have been ready by the time he was due back from his mission. And he may even have been tired enough to be unobservant, which would have made this prank successful!" The boys beamed at the praise. Naruto was practically wiggling like a puppy that had been petted instead of being beaten like it was expecting. In some ways, that was a true metaphor. Sasuke still looked slightly scandalized.

"Still," Sandaime continued, "it would be nice if you turned that cleverness to your grades." The boys wilted. "I have your reports here. I know that both of you have had completely reasonable cause to allow your grades to slip, but you both should be recouping them by now."

Until Larania had entered Naruto's life, his grades, to put not to fine a point to it, had sucked. With her expectations and praise, the blue-eyed boy's grades had risen to above average, a shock to everyone but her. With her death, he had reverted back to the way he had been. Sasuke was mimicking that decline, only since he had had perfect scores, being the first in his class; his decline was even more disheartening.

Sandaime was hoping to reverse that trend. "I know that Mizuki isn't the best at describing techniques, so if you have any questions I could help you with…" Sandaime trailed off, leaving the table open for the boys. They both looked stunned; this was the last thing that they expected. Sasuke took advantage first, asking about the Bushin no Jutsu technique. Sandaime helped clarify it for them until he was called away for "very, _very_ boring" paperwork that was piling up. He smiled as he watched the highly animated young boys leave; phase one in recapturing the two was a complete success. And they deserved every bit of time and attention he could give them.

* * *

The next day found the four mischief makers at the 'Rainbow Colored Stall' as it had been called since the debacle yesterday. The couple was… less than popular with their neighbors. The two old-timers greeted the boys with fiercely scowling faces and the old woman immediately began to brow-beat them, then turned around and poor-babied the girls. The old man scowled and brow-beat all four of the children as they worked. They had to tear down a lot of the old rotted wood, replace it with new and repaint the entire structure a drab, dark brown-gray.

The children had come just after dawn, were given a brief food and rest break at noon and were sent off at sunset with dire warnings of what would happen if they were late tomorrow ringing in their ears.

Sasuke was burning for some kind of revenge well before noon.

"We have to get them back somehow!" he growled to Naruto in a low voice, making sure he wasn't overheard. Naruto nodded, he'd been thinking of a way to get at that woman from the moment she started playing favorites.

"I think I have something, but we'll have to be careful." He assured Sasuke. The plan Naruto had was going to hinge on whether or not they could acquire certain books. He wouldn't soon forget how pleased the Hokage had been with them over the fact that the paint prank was essentially harmless. Naruto would do anything to get that kind of praise again. So the idea Naruto had was designed to scare the snot out of that bitchy woman, but leave her unharmed.

"What's your idea?" Sasuke demanded, eager to begin. Naruto whispered his plan to his oath-brother, Sasuke argued that "couldn't we get something that would at least give her a rash?" Naruto stayed firm on his no-harm rule and Sasuke eventually agreed. What they had planned shouldn't get them into too much trouble, while what Sasuke wanted to do might get them severly punished; again.

"But we'll have to wait until a week after we're done working." Sasuke added.

"Why?" Naruto asked.

"That way there will be less to connect us to it, and she won't be expecting anything." He explained, "She's probably on guard for anything from us, but if we wait awhile, she'll drop that guard." Naruto nodded, it made perfect sense for him. "Now, how much money do you have, we can start now."

* * *

One week after the four children had finished repairs on the stall, which now finally was up to code, but still looked terrible, a high shriek rang through the air. A number of young Ninjas ran towards the source of the scream and burst into the residence of one of the most cantankerous old couples the village held. There, in the bedroom was a sight designed to horrify even the most hardened of Jounins. The old, fat, ugly woman was standing in the middle of a huge pile of live snakes, spiders and scorpions; in her underwear.

One white-haired Jounin with his headband slanting over one eye quickly excused himself with the excuse that he had to be sick. The real reason was so he could laugh. The woman was pitching a fit for no reason, all the snakes were non-venomous, and the spiders and scorpions were all of a kind with very weak venom; all the creatures were completely harmless. When he reported this later to the Hokage, the old man nearly laughed himself sick and told the young Jounin to go fetch the boys so he could praise them on their caution and beat them for wasting time. Kakashi arched a brow, and gestured for the young Chuunin at the door to bring in the perpetrators. The two had given themselves away by being too close to the scene and too jubilant over the results.

"You two!" Sandaime growled in mock threat.

"Yes?" the two replied in mock innocence from where they dangled like puppies in Iruka's hand. The three adults couldn't help but laugh over the them. Trouble they might be, but damn were they cute!

* * *

A.S.: Erm, eheh... Well, what d'ya think? I know that Sasuke's a little OOC, but the obvious reasons are the facts that he's seven and has spent the last year in Naruto's company. The latter will also be the reason he's OOC in following chapters, when you spend the bulk of your time with someone as open and fun loving as Naruto, some of his personality is bound to rub off. 


	3. I Don't Want To Be The Sensei!

A.N.: Discounting the first chapter, which was a set-up chapter at any rate, I'm going to be going: Past, Present, Past, Present; with the past skipping around chaotically while the present proceeds smoothly. Starting off with Cell Seven's initial formation, as will be seen in this chapter. Poor, poor Kakashi…

I may, at some later date, go back and rearrange things more logically and fix continuity errors, but that will probably be when I finish this story. Also, it won't be strictly comedy (again as can be seen in the first chapter). _There is plot present_! Ever wonder what Itachi wanted Sasuke for? I'll leave you to ponder that question for, oh, a year or more?

Yes, I am evil and yes I apprentice under the Anit-Christ. He's my Okaa-san's cat after all. No, really! I'm serious, my mom's cat is the Anti-Christ; even my eighty pound dog is afraid of him! He lurks in the computer room and glares at me if I don't type what he wants me to type. He's s c-a r-y….

* * *

The door to the Hokage's office opened and in walked Kakashi, book in one hand, the other hand raised in apology.

"Sorry I'm late, I-"

"Had to help an old lady? Meandered down the path of life? Slept in because your alarm is broken? Got lost?" Iruka supplied coyly. Kakashi aimed his visible eye in a glare at his friend and teammate in one of the longest running missions on record: that of keeping Sasuke and Naruto under control. The Hokage had assigned them that task ever since the two had successfully apprehended the two brats for the second time together. Iruka grinned back, un-intimidated.

"All of the above actually." The young Jounin laughed.

"Actually Kakashi," Sandaime said, dragging the room's attention to him, "you're only five minutes late." The Copy-Ninja blinked, "I gave you a time two hours earlier than the time I gave everyone else."

Kakashi laughed again sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment as everyone else in the room shared the joke. In the room, one of the Hokage's council offices, were several Jounin who had been chosen to possibly lead a cell of young Genin fresh out of the academy. The only Chuunin present was Iruka, the teacher who had graduated the possible Genin.

Mizuki was supposed to be there as well, but the fresh wounds evident on Iruka gave proof to the rumor that the blonde Chuunin was a traitor who had tricked Naruto into stealing one of the Hokage's scrolls.

"Well Iruka-kun, if you could start please." Sandaime said calmly.

Iruka nodded, "First of, Chouji will need to be paired up with Shikamaru. Chouji has low self-esteem, but Shikamaru has faith in him and encourages him. That said, they'll need a strong-willed Kunoichi, Sakura or Ino by preference, to boss them around."

Iruka glanced around the table at the Jounins and the Hokage as they mulled over his suggestion. This was actually common practice for the sensei of the graduating class to suggest the three-man cells. Grades and ability were a strong consideration, but who would back and support whom was also a consideration.

Putting Chouji with Kiba, for instance, was a recipe for disaster. Kiba would chide and mock the Akimichi, which would either result in Chouji pummeling the Inuzuka, or in Chouji loosing all faith in his abilities. Neither result was desirable, but if grades were the only consideration than this partnering would be likely.

"Ino, I think would be best." Hokage mulled aloud, "The fathers of those three made a good team, their abilities meshing nicely. It seems likely that it would happen again." Sandaime lifted his eyes from the table to the Jounin around him. "Asuma, you're a practiced Sensei. If what Iruka-kun is alluding to is correct, then these three will probably need a sturdy hand to keep them motivated."

"I'll do my best," the chain-smoker said, fiddling discretely with his cigarette box. Iruka handed the profile sheets of the three over to their new sensei. He continued.

"My next major concern is Hinata." The Academy sensei said, "Unlike Chouji, who has _low_ self-esteem and self-confidence, Hinata has _no_ self-esteem or self-confidence. She'll need a supporter/protector, big brother figure to look out for her. I also suggest a quieter, confidant figure to listen to her if she needs to whine, although I doubt she'd even think of _whining_. Still, knowing she has someone who would listen uncritically to her would give her a boost."

"Whom do you suggest?" Sandaime asked. Iruka gnawed his lip while staring at the ceiling for a moment in thought.

"Shino would make a good confidant figure." He said finally, "I've never heard him criticize anyone when it was clear that such an action would be harmful. In fact, the only times I've heard him criticize anyone is when Naruto and Kiba both needed goading. Also, both of those two would act well as the third member of the team. Both are brash and out-going, but both seem to think that Hinata needs protecting. I've witnessed those two acting in that capacity before, actually."

Iruka stared at the Hokage seriously as the latter mulled over the suggestions. _Pick Naruto, pick Naruto. Get him the _hell_ away from Sasuke before those two drive someone mad; someone like me._

"Shino and Kiba will be paired with Hinata." He said finally, ignoring or not noticing Iruka's discrete look of despair. "Kurenai, I'd like you to be the sensei. Having an accomplished Kunoichi as sensei will give Hinata another boost I think, proving to her that the 'inferior sex' is no such thing."

Kurenai bowed, "I shall not disappoint you."

"Iruka-kun, if you could continue?"

Iruka did so, going down the rest of the list of new Genins, constantly suggesting Naruto or Sasuke for this or that team, but never the two together. Constantly the subtle suggestion was dismissed. Kakashi, who had been fairly relaxed earlier, was beginning to look distinctly distressed.

Everyone in the room knew that the Copy-Ninja was going to have to take on Sasuke as apprentice; there was no one else with the Sharingan to teach him to use it. But the mere thought of having to sensei not only the clever Sasuke, but the creative Naruto as well; that was simply terrifying. Iruka reached the end of the list.

"The only three left are: Sakura, Sasuke and #gulp# Naruto…." Iruka said, giving Sandaime a pained look. The only sensei left was Kakashi, who was very nearly in a state of panic now.

"Very well," The Hokage said smugly, "Kakashi they're all-" #whump!#. The Hokage suddenly found a desperately terrified Kakashi attached to his legs.

"I don't know what the hells I did, but I'll do anything!" He cried out, "Border patrol, menial guard duty, cleaning and supply shifts, a demotion, _anything_! Just don't make me teach those two!"

"Ack! Get off of me!" the Hokage scolded as all the other Jounin stared in non-comprehension. "You're not being punished! Get off already!"

"Not being punished! _Not being punished?"_ Kakashi shrieked, "The hell I'm not! Do you know what those two brats are really like?"

"Um, what's he talking about?" Asuma whispered at Iruka.

"Have you heard of the incident where the staff toilet of the Inshoku restaurant exploded?" Iruka whispered back as Kakashi continued to beg shamelessly for a reprieve.

"Yeah..?" Asuma replied warily.

"That was all Naruto and Sasuke."

"Ooohhhh…" Asuma and two other Jounin who were listening in replied softly. The Hokage finally succeeded in kicking Kakashi off, who immediately crouched into a deep, formal bow.

"You can't do this to me! Please-!"

"Shut up a minute and listen!" Sandaime scolded. Kakashi looked up tearfully. "Look, why exactly were Shikamaru and Chouji teamed up?" The assembled group blinked.

"So that they could support and reassure each other of course." Kurenai replied calmly, beginning to get irritated with Kakahi's behavior.

"Exactly," Sandaime nodded, "Now, taking into consideration that not only are Naruto and Sasuke both orphans, but _double_-orphans (see both author notes), and that they are the only family either currently has, what do you think would happen to them if they were separated?"

The entire assembly blinked as the Hokage's meaning sunk in. When put into that light, the idea of forcing the two adopted brothers to go into separated teams that would then rarely see each other… That idea was cruel bordering on maliciously brutal.

Kakashi hung his head and groaned in defeat. "I feel so sorry for this Sakura….."

* * *

Iruka waited beside the outer door of the Hokage Tower, watching the Jounin exit, chatting with each other and speculating on what their individual teams might be like. Last to exit was Kakashi, every line of his bearing screaming dejection, depression and dread.

The Chuunin clapped a hand on his comrade's shoulder, stifling a wince as the movement pulled at his wounds. "C'mon," he said as the Copy-Ninja turned a dull eye on him, "it won't be that bad."

"Wanna bet?" the Sharingan-bearing, non-Uchiha grated. Iruka winced; it was well known that betting with Kakashi was a fast track to loosing all your ready cash.

"Well, um, how about this then." Iruka offered, "Would you want to inflict those two on someone who doesn't know what they're capable of?"

"If you asked me this yesterday, I would have said 'no'." Kakashi replied, "At the current moment in time, 'hell yes', would be my answer." _Ugh, not just 'yes' but 'hell yes'? Poor man._

"At least you get to find out what it was like to be in my shoes, teaching these kids and others _every single day._" Iruka growled softly.

"I'll thank you to remember that I gave you a full measure of pity whenever that subject came up." _Damn, he did, didn't he?_ _Guess it's my turn._

"If I treat you for dinner, will that cheer you up?"

Kakashi straightened from his slump and eyed Iruka with a little more life and interest. "So long as it's a home-meal, I'm not feeling up to a crowd at the moment." The Jounin knew full well that Iruka was a more-than-decent cook, what with all the practice he had in his youth, cooking for himself.

"Sure," Iruka said casually, not thinking of anything other than the fact that Kakashi was going to need all the pick-me-ups he could get right now. Kakashi, however, was thinking something quite different as he followed Iruka to the Chuunin's house. He'd gotten to know his comrade quite well in the past few years. Whenever he was in Konoha between missions, he was working with Iruka trying to capture the Uzumaki and Uchiha brats.

Out of curiosity, he had checked the records. The mission of "Try and Keep Those Brats Under _Control_" was indeed the longest running mission to date. _And it's about to go into overtime; _Kakashi sulked. Oh well, he'd just fail them with the bell test tomorrow and that'd be the end to that. _And I might get a pity-perk._

He eyed the man in front of him again. Kakashi had never been attracted to any of his female comrades, not because none of them were personable or pretty, he just wasn't interested. The young man who had offered to make him dinner however, he found _very_ interesting.

Kakashi didn't believe in 'love at first sight'. He still didn't; he had grown more and more fond of Iruka over the course of several years, culminating into his current infatuation. He was fairly certain that Iruka felt the same way. _Yup,_ Kakashi thought as he caught the Chuunin casting a… curious glance over his shoulder, _definite interest there. This might be a good day for me after all.

* * *

_

Naruto grinned and chuckled smugly as he adjusted his hitai-ite on his forehead. For the twentieth time in the last forty minutes that they had been waiting alone for their sensei.

"You're going to wear that thing out if you're not careful." Sasuke drawled, amused. When Naruto hadn't passed the graduation test two days ago, he'd been terribly worried. Nothing the dark-eyed boy had said had brought any light back into Naruto's eyes, which had gone lightless with profound depression. Sasuke had understood entirely why Naruto was so depressed. Graduating was the first step in accomplishing his dream. More, it would have kept him apace with his best friend.

"I will not wear it out!" Naruto declared, sticking his lower lip out, "This hitai-ite is special, it's Iruka-sensei's!"

"So you've said," Sasuke remarked, "every hour on the hour since yesterday."

"So why don't you do us both a favor and shut up!" Sakura snapped. The boys cast her a glance, Naruto's hurt, Sasuke's irritated. Naruto had developed a crush on the pretty, pink-haired girl over the last year, but Sakura stubbornly clung to her multi-year, unreciprocated crush on Sasuke.

Sasuke didn't know if he ever would have been able to return her feelings, but the double irritant of being hunted like a prime stag and of her cruelty towards Naruto caused him to be completely turned off to her. At this point, the only thing that would force him to date her would be a threat to Naruto if he didn't do so.

"Geez, how long is it going to take for our sensei to get here!" Naruto groused loudly. He was starting to fidget; a bad sign. He had started fidgeting like this just before he had gone on the walk that had ended up with him stealing the secret scroll from the Hokage. When Sasuke had gotten that news… _Better stop the baka now before he does something else that puts me into premature cardiac arrest._

Too late, Naruto bounced to his feet and made a bee-line for the chalkboard.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked in trepidation. He noticed that Sakura also looked anxious.

"Just this." Naruto responded as he placed a stool near the door and balanced a chalkboard eraser over the just-open door. Sasuke groaned while Sakura stifled a giggle.

"Just in case anyone asks, I told you not to do this." The Uchiha moaned.

"Ditto." Sakura chirped. Naruto just grinned as he bounced over to his seat. He had a tendency to bounce. A lot.

"Our sensei deserves it for making us wait so long." He declared

"Like a Jounin would be caught by such a juvenile trick." Sasuke said. Just then the door eased open. The three new Genin turned to watch as the eraser hit Kakashi dead on. Naruto bust up laughing and his adopted brother joined in.

"Gods," Sasuke laughed, "if I'd known it'd be _him_ walking in first, I would have told you to get something heavier!" Kakashi's visible eye started twitching.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir, I told Naruto not to do that." Sakura said in a believable distressed tone while inside, Inner Sakura was doing a victory dance of glee.

"I knew this was a mistake…." The Jounin growled under his breath.

"So anyway," Naruto asked, getting his breath under control while Sasuke continued to snicker helplessly into his desk, "have you come to tell us why our sensei is late?"

"Do you know Naruto?" Sakura asked in a more polite tone, puzzled by the bo'ke's familiarity with a high-level Jounin.

"Oh, I know those two brats only too well." Kakashi said in an exceedingly neutral tone. The 'two brats' immediately snapped to attention, they knew that tone, while Sakura puzzled over the 'two brats' statement. Naruto was a brat, obviously, but Sasuke? Surely not.

"Anyway, to answer your earlier question Naruto," Kakashi continued, "no I'm not here to 'explain why your sensei is late'. I _am_ your sensei."

"Heh, nice one Kakashi-san" Sasuke laughed. Kakashi arched his visible brow.

"Yeah, no way you'd be conned into being our sensei." Naruto chimed in.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, you can't be, right?" Sasuke said, starting to get nervous. If Kakashi was their sensei… that could be bad. A new sensei wouldn't be able to counter any of the pranks he and Naruto had planned. But Kakashi, he had dirt on the two of them. Sakura in the mean time was beginning to look slightly distressed as well as confused.

"And if I told you that I am indeed your new sensei, with papers included?"

"Then I'd say that that was one damned well prepared practical joke." Naruto countered, a little desperately. He was as able to out two and two together as Sasuke in this situation. "It is a joke right?"

Kakashi just looked up at them, a little smug in revenge.

"Please let it be a practical joke." Naruto begged. Kakashi smiled evilly.

"You know, I don't think he's joking." Sasuke said nervously. Naruto looked over at him.

"Nervous caution or out-right panic?" the blonde asked enigmatically.

"Oh, out-right panic of course." Sasuke replied.

"_Run away!_" they cried out in unison, bolting for a top window, Kakashi right on their heels, clearly anticipating this.

(Ten minutes later)

"So young miss," Kakashi asked genially, "why don't you tell me about yourself, name, likes, dislikes, dreams, hobbies, stuff like that?"

Sakura stared at him and sweat-dropped, trying to collect her thoughts. It was hard, she had just played witness to the most unlikely sight, that of _that _Naruto-bo'ke and _her_ Sasuke-kun get chased around the classroom by her irate sensei. Her sensei no longer seemed irate, and Naruto and Sasuke were bound together and gagged, and had been flung onto the balcony the four of them were currently on by her sensei, who had seemed rather gleeful at that point.

"Ho-How about-t you st-start?" She stuttered, "After all, I only just met you."

"Alright, fair enough," Kakashi-sensei smiled, "My name is Hatake Kakashi, I like being away on missions so I don't have to clean up after- certain people-" he glared fiercely at the two boys, who renewed their struggle for freedom, "my other likes are none of your business. I dislike coming home after a hard mission, only to be rousted out of bed after another toilet explodes-" again he glared at the boys, although Naruto was chuckling through his gag this time.

_Exploding toilets? Do I- No, I don't want to know, not _now_, not _ever "My other dislikes are again none of you business. My dreams… hmm. Moving along; my hobbies are reading and otherwise unimportant." He finished with another smile, which was only detectable under the mask because he closed his eye when he did so. _The only things I really learned were his name, that he likes reading and that he dislikes Sasuke-kun and Naruto-bo'ke._ "And you?"

"Uh, me? Um…." She took a deep breath, "My name is Haruno Sakura, my likes… um, there's a certain person… My dream is-" She blushed and squealed. Thinking about her crush always brought her back to her usual self. "My dislike is- Naruto!" Naruto whimpered, Sasuke growled, but the noises were too muffled for Sakura to notice, although Kakashi did. "My hobbies are, um, flower arranging, shopping and studying I guess."

"Very well, tomorrow I'd like you to-"

"Um, sir?" Sakura interrupted shyly, "What about them?" she pointed to the spot where the boys where lying. Sasuke was trying to push the ropes binding him up with his elbows while Naruto tried to help by bracing. It wasn't really working, but they paused and looked frantic when they felt Kakashi-sensei's glare on them.

"What about them?" The Jounin couldn't quite keep his smug satisfaction out of his voice.

"Shouldn't we, uh, let them tell us a little about themselves?"

"I already know more than I _want_ to know about them, but I suppose you're right." Kakashi sighed and walked over to the two bakas. They stared in a wide-eyed panic that confused Sakura a little. Kakashi-sensei had been assigned to the three of them by the Hokage himself, or so she had read. The Hokage wouldn't assign a bad person to be a teacher for some of the Genins, would he?

She began to have serious doubts when Kakashi-sensei pulled out a kunai and began chuckling evilly as he crouched over the two boys. She also began to question her own knowledge of the world, how could two people launch into that much panic and not pass out from fear? But as it turned out, nothing _truly_ evil was done; Kakashi-sensei just cut some of the ropes binding the boys and retied them around their feet too swiftly for the boys to follow.

The proof of the Jounin's expertise was shown as Sasuke immediately tackled the ropes around his feet the moment his arms were free, but to no avail.

"What the hell-?" he growled, glaring up at the adult, who was walking back to his seat against the balcony rail, whistling cheerfully.

"Yeah, yeah, we hate you too." Naruto grumbled, "jerk-o-"

Kakashi turned slightly and 'smiled' at the boys. "Sorry, didn't hear that. What did you say?"

The three Genin stifled an eep at the 'killing intent' aura that radiated off of Kakashi.

"Nothing!" the boys squeaked.

"Good, now since the young lady asked, why don't you tell her a bit about yourselves?" Kakashi lounged back and pulled out his infamous Icha Icha series book and proceeded to read while the youths proceeded to sweat-drop.

* * *

The next day dawned bright and early, with a great deal of warm sunshine spilling down on all those fortunate enough to be outside. Nothing about the attitudes of the three pre-teens waiting out in one of the training grounds could be called bright or warm however.

Well, maybe the rage coming from them was similar to 'warm', but it wasn't much of a match. After Sasuke and Naruto had grudgingly talked about themselves, Kakashi had handed them sheets that described their training exercise that they'd do the next day; and then had left.

He hadn't untied the boys, nor had he left a kunai, shurikan or any other edged weapon behind. He had naturally taken all of the boys' weapons, and had somehow managed to take all of Sakura's as well. She hadn't taken to that discovery too well. Nor had she been thrilled in having to go out and borrow someone else's kunai. She had been just as successful as Sasuke and Naruto in untying the ropes, as in, not at all, so getting an edged weapon was the only way to untie them.

To say that the three were embarrassed and displeased with events would be one of the greater understatements of the decade. And, to top it all off, after specifically requesting that the three be at the grounds at dawn, Kakashi was late. _Three hours late!_

Kakashi was swiftly becoming the most disliked sensei of the year. Sasuke was extremely pissed; he needed his breakfast in the morning and was muttering very rude things about Kakashi under his breath. Naruto and Sakura occasionally added in a few crude things or corrected Sasuke by making this or that insult more intense.

It was into that kind of atmosphere that Kakashi, seemingly unwittingly, entered.

"Good morning you three!" he called cheerfully. There was a dramatic ten second pause as they glared hotly at him.

"_YOU'RE LATE!"_ They yelled. Kakashi smirked under his mask. _Ah yes, revenge is definitely sweet. Feel sorry for Sakura though, maybe I can sub her into one of the other teams._

Kakashi lifted his two small bells and felt the hateful glares turn calculating.

"I have here two bells. This timer is set to noon. Your goal is to take one of the bells from me before it goes off. The losers who don't get a bell will be tied to one of those posts over there and watch as I eat his or her lunch." He paused a moment to listen the stomachs growl. He'd told them to skip breakfast for just this reason. Of course he did it to every team he failed; but it was still sweet to hear.

"You only need one bell, but since I only have two, one of you is headed for the posts, then back to the Academy in disgrace." The glares fired up again. Kakashi was really beginning to enjoy himself. "Use shurikan or kunai or whatever you want, but attack like you mean to kill or you won't stand a chance."

"But isn't that dangerous?" Sakura cried out, distracted from her anger. She wanted to help pummel her sensei, not kill him.

"Ah, don't worry about, we won't have to go that far." Naruto said breezily, "It usually takes him at least an hour to catch Sas-kun and me, and he got pegged by an eraser!"

"Apparently the loud baka has a highly selective memory." Kakashi deadpanned. "Now, disregarding him, we'll start on my signal." All during the last sentence, Naruto began to boil over; erupting at the end of the Jounin's little speech. The blonde grabbed his kunai and prepared to throw it before Sakura or Sasuke, who was still twitching over being called Sas-kun, could react.

As it turned out, they didn't need to react, for Kakashi showed near to his full ability just then and suddenly materialized behind Naruto, holding the blonde's kunai-wielding hand so that the point of the blade was pressed gently against the back of Naruto's head.

"Easy now, I didn't say start."

"You officially have my attention now." Sasuke stated while Naruto blinked in confusion. Hadn't Kakashi been-? How had he-? Wha-?

"Ah, good, I was hoping you'd wake up." Kakashi smiled. Sasuke twitched and glared. Did this evil person know about Sasuke's issues with early mornings? "Well, at least you were able to strike to kill, seems like you're coming to respect my abilities."

The kinder tone of voice made the three youth's glance over at the adult with something other than anger in their eyes.

"Now, on my mark." Kakashi said, watching his students tense in readiness, "Ready… _Go!_"

* * *

Sakura carefully crawled into a lookout point, warily observing her evil sensei. The boys were nowhere to be seen, as was proper. She struggled to formulate a plan, she need to make one quick. Sasuke-kun and Naruto-bo'ke were probably already finishing a plan together, and the two were reputedly formidable when it came to devious plans. But Sakura had no intention of loosing now. She was going to have to clever, ruthless. Her plan would have to-

"What's with that look?" Sasuke murmured in her ear.

"Wha-! Sasu-!"

"Shhh!" he hissed. Sakura clamped her mouth shut for a moment as they both stared at Kakashi. There was no sign from him that he had heard them.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered to the dark-haired boy who was glaring at the sensei.

"Filling you in on Naruto's plan." He whispered back, "Naru-baka is going to make a distraction then you and I are going to go in and steal the bells while Kakashi-teme is focused on Naruto."

Sakura blinked, this was completely unexpected. "But- but what about Naruto? If you and I have the bells, what's he going to do? He's the one who's going to risk the most in this!"

Sasuke stared at her and some of the icy coldness that seemed to dominate his expression thawed a little. "Well, I planned on playing keep-away from Kakashi with Naru-baka so that Kakashi-teme couldn't say for certain which of the two of us had the bell, and if all else failed we were going to split the lunch. But Naruto was adamant that you get a fair part in this." Sasuke sighed and growled quietly, "I don't get him some times…"

Sakura felt horrible. Here she was, insulting and abusing the blonde boy, and then he goes and insists that she get a bell while he was playing decoy. "We'll each get two-thirds of a lunch; no way I'm going to let that idiot starve for this. What's the signal for us to start?" She looked over at Sasuke and frowned at his sudden unfocused look. What was-?

Sasuke blinked and his eyes refocused on the sensei who was still scouting around in the clearing in front of them. "There's Naruto now," He hissed. The young blonde marched up to Kakashi and made a loud challenge, which clearly amused the adult. They tussled around for a short moment, then Naruto leaped back and formed a seal. Immediately, twenty clones filled the clearing; causing Sakura to gape in astonishment.

"Tha- that's-!" She stammered.

"Kage Bushin, I know." Sasuke replied smugly. Sakura stared at him, Kage Bushin was Jounin level! That fool could perform a Jounin level Jutsu? She returned her gaze to the fight, unable to deny the evidence. Normal Bushins could be detected either by their wispy shadow or the lack of a shadow entirely. These clones cast a solid shadow, due to the fact that the body was just as solid. Then she frowned, Kage Bushin or no, the fight wasn't over yet. And an opening had yet to appear for her crush and herself.

A moment later, the fight _was_ over, in a rather unexpected and completely Naruto-ish fashion.

"Harem no Jutsu!" Naruto cried out; clear enough for the two observers to hear. The twenty Naruto's became twenty buxom, blonde, _naked_ women. Sasuke proceeded to bonk his head against the branch in front of him while Sakura's mind filled with lovely images of the blonde baka in agony. Kakashi froze; he didn't move a single muscle.

Naruto approached him cautiously after a full minute, dismissing his clones. Nothing happened. The creative prankster came just in front of his sensei as the observers climbed down to join him. As they came up to the edge of the field he waved his hand before Kakashi's visible eye. Nada, not a blink, not a twitch, nothing. Naruto stood on tip-toe to get a closer look; then choked back a laugh.

"It's ok you two, he's out cold!" he whispered excitedly to his teammates as they neared their sensei as well.

"Eh? What do you mean?" Sakura whispered back, skeptical.

"Just take a close look!" Naruto sniggered. She did so. Kakashi's eye was blank and glazed and there was something wrong with his mask… Sasuke stuffed a hand in his mouth to stifle a whoop of laughter as Sakura did the same to silence her giggles. Kakashi's mask was dripping due to a massive nose-bleed, which had then led to their sensei passing out from the blood-loss.

Naruto, grinning his fox-grin ear to ear, waltzed up, and took the bells in triumph. Still laughing, Sasuke gestured for his brother and his teammate to follow him. While he had been circling over to Sakura's position he'd spotted the two bentos. No reason why they couldn't eat while they politely waited for their sensei to come to, right? Right.

* * *

He was going to kill that blonde shrimp. Slowly, painfully, and in the most humiliating fashion he could. That- that _sham_ of a technique! How dare he use something so- so-

_Brillant? Clever? Observant?_ Kakashi's conscience suggested. _No, crude, vulgar, unbefitting a shinobi!_ Kakashi's wounded dignity snapped back. His conscience snorted and asked if he was the stiff-necked Ebisu or Sharningan Kakashi. The silver-haired Jounin growled and stalked off to rinse his blood-stiffened mask. Okay, so the shrimp had gotten in a good one, it still didn't- Wait. Where were his bells? And for that matter, where were his students?

After he finished cleaning his mask, he quickly scanned the area and noticed the diabolical trio sitting by the memorial stone, chatting energetically, sharing the bentos. Acting as a team.

Sasuke was perched on the stone, offering his bento to Sakura, who was kneeling beneath him, daintily accepting his offering while both were listening to a bragging Naruto, who was sitting cross-legged by Sakura, holding the other bento. When Sasuke reclaimed his lunch, devouring the rice, Naruto took his turn in offering his bento, which Sakura graciously accepted from him as well.

Kakashi took a moment to listen in on the conversation.

"So, yeah, Sas-kun-"

"Don't call me that."

"_Sasu-chan!_" #bonk!# "Ouch! An-ee-way! Sasuke has this perfect memory thing going on and he saw Ero-sensei's book -" _Ero-sensei?_ Kakashi observed with a wince.

"-and told me the title. So I looked it up and it's a _dirty, dirty_ book! And I'd made Sexy no Jutsu before to prank other perverts, so I thought a twenty-fold Sexy no Jutsu would serve as a good distraction." The blonde young shinobi grinned proudly, "Guess it worked well, huh?"

"Over-kill comes to mind." Sasuke deadpanned. "I was hoping for the opportunity to roast the 'Ero-sensei'." the dark-haired Bishonen sighed dramatically, "You keep upstaging me baka!" Naruto stuck his tongue out at Sasuke's glare, making Sakura giggle at the by-play. Then she piped up.

"But how did you know when Sasuke got to me and had informed me of your plan?" She asked sincerely puzzled.

"Ishindenshin no Jutsu." the boys chorused. Kakashi's brows reached his hairline in time to Sakura's gasp of astonishment. Not only was Ishindenshin no Jutsu a Jounin-level Jutsu, it was a _high_ Jounin-level Jutsu, something only a few ANBU learned. He started to move forward to demand to know where they had learned that, but the little drama before him wasn't over just yet.

"First Kage Bushin, now the Art of Telepathy," Sakura murmured, biting her lip. "Naruto, I need to apologize to you." The boys stared, making the pink-ete squirm slightly, "I had figured you to be a dead-last, class-clown, loser type. I was wrong and I'm sorry for teasing you like I have."

"You can always make it up to me by going out on a dat-"

"NO! I'm not _that_ sorry!" Sakura snapped, then smiled to soften the verbal blow. Kakashi chuckled as he strode forward, making the three jump and go on the defensive.

As he neared, he noticed the two bells were right smack dab in the middle of the three, at Sasuke's feet and between Naruto and Sakura. He honestly couldn't say which two of the three had been the victors. Not that it mattered, they had accomplished what no other team he'd tested had; they had, and were currently, acting as a team. _I guess I've got no choice. I have to pass them, damn it all. I'm still going to skin Naruto._

"Never in all my years as a Genin sensei have I ever been subjected to such a Jutsu." The sensei drawled. "So what precisely was the plan again?"

"While Naruto engaged your attention, Sakura and I were going to ambush you from behind to steal the bells." Sasuke explained, easing slightly from his defensive stance. No doubt he read the lack of hostility in Kakashi's posture.

"So you and the lady would have a bell each, but what of the clown?" was Kakashi's response.

"That was going to be a little trickier-"

"If Sasuke couldn't get his bell to Naruto, I was going to, so you couldn't say who had what!" Sakura said defiantly. Naruto gave her a heart-filled look, while Sasuke 'Hn-ed', but looked pleased. Kakashi let out a pained sigh, _I really don't have a choice, they're really a team, already. I'm going to have to pass them. _He glanced up at the sky in pain, and a small grin crossed his lips. _I don't have to make their victory easy though._

"Looks like I haven't much option here," he said, while the three pre-teens eyed him warily, "You pass-oof!"

Naruto had glomped the 'evil sensei' and was now indulging in his usually victory dance, made more original due to the fact that he was continuously having to dodge Sakura's fist as she tried to 'calm him down'. Sasuke watched in amusement for a while before swiping Naruto's feet out from under him.

"A-_Hem!_" Kakashi said, regaining the attention of the three before things could degenerate further, "As I was saying, you three have passed my first test." The expressions turned up at him became wary ones, asking _'first test?_' "The second test is to see just how skilled you three truly are." He explained with his one-eye smile. "No Henge though." Kakashi warned with a glare at Naruto.

"It's not a Henge." Naruto and Sasuke chorused.

"What do you mean its no- Oh dear Gods, you can't be serious…" Sasuke gave a pained look while Naruto just grinned.

* * *

Glossary and attacks:

Double-Orphans: orphans who have been adopted, and have then had their adopted parents killed, leaving them orphans yet again.

Boke, bo'ke: idiot, fool

Kage Bushin: Shadow clone, multiple solid clones, Naruto's specialty (if you don't know that, you are such a newb)

Ishindenshin no Jutsu: Art of telepathy, Armina Skitty original

Henge no Jutsu: either illusion or genuine shape shift into something or someone else

Sexy no Jutsu: Naruto's signature technique, which, for the sake of the fic, isn't a Henge here but a full-body transformation.

Harem no Jutsu: Sexy no Jutsu + Kage Bushin

Authors notes: Sorry about ending it there, but I felt that was a good quitting point for this chapter. Next chapter: the boys are eight and have fun with exploding toilets!

Naru & Sasu: #twitch#

Iru & Kaka: #massive twitch#

PS: Gomen ne! Gomen about the late update, I now have six! Count 'em; SIX! Active fanfics, plus school, plus work, plus a quasi functional social life. Updates are going to slow, so sorry!


	4. Of Exploding Toilets & School Reports

A.N. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAH!!! I live!! RL Sucks big time!!! I can be bribed!!!

http://bea87. is awesome, her art is wonderful. And she made a few pieces for my fic 'New Bloodlines'. Check out her stuff on deviant art and let her know how wonderful she is that she got me typing again. I ran out of inspiration, and then she showed me her work and I got a recharge. I love her, you should too.

(1-24-07)

* * *

_#KER-CHOOM!!#_ The sound that echoed across the village was not entirely new, explosions were disturbingly common in Konoha. But the precise quality of the explosion was entirely unique. It was the sound of a toilet exploding. 

It was also a sound that Kakashi had come to dread, one that invaded his nightmares at times. It most certainly not a sound that he wanted to hear when he'd only just gotten back to Konoha last night. So when a knock on his door forced him to leave his nice, warm comfy bed, he allowed himself to groan expressively as he headed towards that door.

"What?" He demanded of the innocent Genin who stared up at him in awe.

"Ah, the, uh, the, uh, Hokage, um, he, uh-" The boy stammered, holding out a sheet of paper. Kakashi snatched the paper, gently, and shooed the boy away. As he expected, he needn't have had to read what the paper said, he already knew what was going to be asked: 'find out who blew up the toilet of Nomikui restaurant-' _gee I wonder,_ 'and punish said person or persons'. _That last part ought to be fun._

Well, the only way to get this done was to do it, and then go back to bed. Kakashi headed off and swiftly reached the site of the explosion. He was greeted at the entrance by the restaurant owner, who was dithering and ascribing all sorts of terrible things to 'that demon', who he was certain had been the sole author of the 'attack'. The one-eyed Jounin toned him out after one minute of repeated accusations.

The 'attack' was certainly going to be costly enough for the owner. The spread of the, uh, fragrant 'toilet leavings' was rather extensive, right into the dining area. Not mention the spread of the noodles… It was nauseating and it was going to take a great deal of time, effort and money to clean and more importantly sanitize the restaurant enough to be reopened. And the owner was definitely going to have to get it inspected before reopening; and display the certificate of cleanliness prominently to re-attract customers.

A truly devastating attack, financially. And one that the boys would be truly innocent of completely understanding. You couldn't expect an eight year old to completely understand the concept of germs and sanitation. Someone like Naruto for example would only understand that blowing up a toilet was smelly, messy and otherwise physically harmless. He would not understand that the spread of 'toilet leavings' could be, and _would_ be a biological hazard, quadrupally so in a restaurant establishment.

But this innocent ignorance made excellent proof for Kakashi, since this was such a seemingly harmless prank; a major M.O. of Naruto. The next proof came with some careful questioning of the staff. Apparently, Naruto and Sasuke had been roughhousing in front of the restaurant a few days ago, a thing a few of the waitresses had found to be rather cute. But the owner wasn't of like mind; he had gone out and had severally scolded, not both boys, but Naruto alone. This, according to Kakashi's understanding of Sasuke's feelings; was a crime worthy of capital punishment.

Kakashi had just reached his conclusions in the restaurant lobby when Iruka arrived. The two young men exchanged nods, and Iruka proceeded into the back. He rapidly returned with a disgusted grimace.

"Typical of our usual suspects?" The young teacher asked.

"The boys had been playing in the front a few days ago and the owner unleashed on Naruto alone." Kakashi said by way of answer. Iruka sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, that'd be more than enough for Sasuke to want vengeance. We have _got _to do something about that boy."

"Wouldn't that, uh, be your job now?" Kakashi pointed out carefully. Bad move, the silver-haired Jounin found himself under the full weight of the Umino Glare ™.

"_I_ have to deal with those two eight hours a day, six days a week, _minimum._" He growled, dramatic Flames Of Wrath haloing his figure, "We were _both _assigned to this job, I do _not _think it is too much to ask for a little _help_ from you when you are not out on a _mission_." The slightly younger man strode out onto the street angrily, Kakashi trailing behind, whimpering at his near escape.

"So," Iruka said after a full minute of fuming, "Stop that!" he added when Kakashi flinched in an exaggerated fashion, "I'll check the boys new apartment if you'll check the Uchiha residence?"

"Sure, they'll probably be at one or the other." With that, the two shinobi vanished from the front of the assaulted restaurant.

* * *

"You suck." 

"It was an accident!"

"You suck!"

"So I made a little miscalculation, big deal."

"We stink, you suck."

"Hey, it was you're idea in the first place!"

"_You_ asked me for a prank, _you_ picked the target and _you_ still _suck_!"

"Dobe! The only reason we hit that place was because of _you_!"

"Teme! The _real_ reason we hit that place was because of _you_! I said we should leave well enough alone, but _no!_ You said that we couldn't let that jerk get away with it! And _then _you said you could handle the math. I trusted you!"

"How was I supposed to know the noodles would change the reaction that way?"

"'Cause you're the brains, but you suck!"

"Dobe!"

"Teme!"

The two noodle bedecked children pounced each other and proceeded to try and beat each other into submission, all in the safety of the one place they were certain their would-be jailors would never look, Larania's abandoned apartment. Naruto couldn't bear to live here anymore for the same reason Sasuke couldn't live at the Uchiha compound, there were too many memories. But for a hideout, it was perfect; for some reason Naruto felt that his adoptive mother had seen the prank, approved and would hide them until they were clean of all evidence.

Some of that feeling must have gone into Sasuke as well, since he had met his partner in crime in the living room after they were separated in the getaway.

Of course, there wasn't much cleaning being done….

#_Thwack_# "Ow!" Naruto cried out as a lucky shot from Sasuke got through his guard and landed squarely and hard on the side of the blonde's jaw. All of Sasuke's irritation vanished to be replaced by fear and protective anxiety.

"Oh gods, Naruto are you okay? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-"

"It'th okay," Naruto slurred, trying to give his brother a reassuring look through tearing eyes, "It jutht thartled me ith all."

"You are _not_ okay, you're jaw's swelling and you're lisping!" Sasuke scolded, hauling Naruto to his feet and dragging the smaller boy into the bathroom. Naruto uttered a token protest, but the blonde had learned that when the black-haired boy was in this mood, nothing he, Naruto, said would have an affect. To put it bluntly, Sasuke had a mother hen streak that only came out if Naruto was hurt. Sometimes when that happened, the blonde wondered if it was possible to be fussed to death.

He couldn't help but wonder that now as Sasuke insisted that he clean his brother off and hold a cold, damp cloth to the blonde's swelling cheek.

"I'll be okay Thathuke, you get cleaned up too." Naruto managed to say.

"But-" The dark-haired boy protested. Naruto grabbed the cloth at his cheek, rinsed it and put it back in place.

"Thee, I can take care of mythelf. But you thtill thmell." Sasuke gave Naruto a whipped puppy look. He was rather skilled at that expression. But the blonde held firm, now that he was clean-ish, the aroma exuding from Sasuke's stained clothes was starting to get to him. So he returned stare for glare. The dark-haired boy wilted and started stripping. Since he'd been closest to the exploded toilet when it had gone 'boom', he'd taken the brunt of the, uh, effect. Naruto had been playing lookout at the bathroom door and so had only gotten a little on the back of his jacket.

They both still needed a shower and a scrubbing, or three, or eight, or more. But, boys being boys, they had silently agreed that for now, stripping off the soiled clothing and wiping down would suffice.

Maybe.

"You thtill thtink." Naruto declared after Sasuke had cleaned up a bit.

"Well, so do you!" Sasuke snapped defensively.

"And whothe fault do you think that ith!" Naruto snapped back.

"You boys tell me." An all too familiar voice said from the bathroom doorway. The two youngsters looked over, both with guilty, panicked expressions. There, lounging indolently against the doorframe was Kakashi. Behind him, arms crossed sternly, was Iruka.

"Uh-oh." The boys chorused. They didn't have to look to know that there were noodles leading from the front door to the bathroom, or to know that their clothing had suspicious stains on them, nor did they have to sniff to know that the ripe aroma coming from them both was more than a little suspicious. They were in trouble, and the four present all knew it.

* * *

The Hokage had a good long laugh after he read the report on the incident. He knew the owner of that particular restaurant and couldn't help but feel a touch of malicious glee at the difficulties he would now face. And to add to that, Sandaime was thinking that instead of having the two mischief-makers help clean up the mess, they should be forced to study and understand the severity of their actions. 

_Yes,_ the old man thought_, that will be best. They already know how to clean, but being forced to stay indoors and learn while the weather is so nice right now would be a better punishment._ He chuckled again at the image of the face those two would make at that announcement. They had yet to be sent up, they were still being hosed off and had to be checked over for any illnesses they might have contracted.

_Hmm, maybe I should request a second physical exam in a week or so to reinforce the lessons they'll be learning. Yes, I should do that._ Right now, as Kakashi had pointed out, the two brats were innocent of truly understanding sanitation. Sandaime wanted them to understand, fully, just how dangerous an exploded toilet could be so that if- _shouldn't I think _when_-_ they did it again, they'd be more careful.

_Or at least not get anything on themselves,_ Sandaime chuckled again. Kakashi had been rather dramatic about describing how he had found the two. The search of the new apartment and the Uchiha complex had proved fruitless, so he and Iruka had started a sweep of the residential section, starting with the neighborhood that Larania had once lived in. And that was when the aroma had hit Kakashi's very sensitive nose… _He was still a little green when he came in.

* * *

_

"Naruto, get Shikamaru again, would you?" Iruka sighed. The young blonde saluted and pulled a water bottle out of his backpack. Earlier that morning, the water in it had been frozen solid. Now, there was still an icy core, but there was still enough to use on one young, sleeping student…

"I _will_ kill you." Shikamaru stated, one eye cracked open and fixed on the bottle that was just tilted over him. Naruto grinned like a maniac.

"No ya' won't!" He chirped.

"Do us all a favor and stay awake Nara." Iruka said, recalling attention to him, "That way Naruto won't have to douse you, and I won't have to restrain you from trying to kill him for doing his job." Shikamaru sulked and sat up, ignoring Naruto passively, nor aggressively. There was a real difference, one that meant the world to the young blonde.

"Stay in your seat, Inuzuka." Iruka deadpanned in between two sentences in his lecture.

"I just gotta go to the bathroom, sensei." Kiba said, walking to the door.

"Class ends for the day in ten minutes, you can hold it 'til then." the young teacher said.

"But I gotta pee!"

"Hold it in." Iruka said, and resumed the lesson. Kiba pouted and watched. When Iruka turned his back to draw a diagram on the blackboard, the young Inuzuka started to sneak out.

"Sasuke, if you'd be so kind." Again, Iruka controlled the class without breaking stride or even turning around. A kunai embedded itself a few inches from Kiba's sneaking foot. The kid squeaked and reluctantly returned to his seat while under Sasuke's full glare. Iruka sighed feelingly and continued.

When he gotten this class of advanced students, he'd assigned seating alphabetically by last name. Big Mistake. Uchiha fell just before Uzumaki. Need more be said? Therefore, in defense of his sanity, Iruka had rearranged, placing the two bra- er- boys at opposite ends of the classroom. Not that this stopped the troublemakers; they just switched their pranks for verbal disruption.

Incidentally, the relocation had placed Sasuke next to Kiba. When the Inuzuka attempted to hightail it, _again,_ Iruka called on the skillful Uchiha to stall him while he the teacher tried to race up to nab the would-be escapee. Sasuke had damned near done the chore all by himself. So Iruka had given Sasuke the job of keeping Kiba in the classroom, which had cut down on the Inuzuka's escape attempts dramatically. Of course, the two boys were high tempered and often fought, so Iruka had to lecture and penalize those two boys often. Still, damage was restrained to a few scratches and bruises since, while high tempered, neither boy had a cruel streak.

With Kiba keeping Sasuke busy, the verbal disruptions had diminished almost as much as Kiba's escape attempts. So Iruka was freer to focus on other disruptions. Chouji was another problem child, but a small discussion with him after class had gotten the chronic snacker to switch from noisy, unhealthy chips and crackers, to less noisy, healthy dried fruits and other healthy snacks.

Because of Choji's good nature, he had started to share his more appetizing snacks with his neighbors, which boosted his popularity, which also boosted his self-esteem. Any problems with Chouji: successfully solved. On to the next problem child; Shikamaru.

Shikamaru's problem was one of chronic laziness; the boy just wouldn't stay awake! So Iruka set that kid's near neighbor to keeping him awake. That was when Iruka encountered a problem. The Nara kid's first neighbor was a mean boy named Tormiya. He had taken to his job… creatively. He seemed to enjoy causing pain, and waking someone up was a good excuse, to him, to cause pain.

Needless to say, Iruka had moved, and eventually expelled Tormiya. Then he'd remembered one of Naruto's distinguishing features. The young blonde tried to avoid causing real injury whenever possible, and would be horrified if he ever did learn that he'd hurt someone needlessly. So Naruto and Shikamaru became classroom neighbors, and Naruto got the job of keeping the chronic napper awake.

Because of Shikamaru's previous waker, he had never begrudged Naruto his job, and even seemed grateful with what the blonde did. The one and only time that Naruto had hurt Shikamaru had been a complete accident. He'd used a low voltage, small hand buzzer and the resultant shock had made Shikamaru jump sideways. He'd ended up tangled with his seat and had wrenched his knee. Naruto had been horrified and had tried to assist his friend immediately, a welcome change from Shikamaru's prior tormentor.

Most notably, the buzzer never made another appearance. Also notable, Shikamaru had been rather vocal in his defense when his mother had tried to make an issue out of his wrenched knee. No pressure was given for Naruto to be punished after Shikamaru's defense.

Because of the jobs both of the worst troublemakers now had, the class was usually quiet.

"AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Usually.

"Gods dammit! Iruka-sensei-!"

"Language Nara." The sensei sighed, lowering his clipboard, "What did I tell you earlier?"

"'Bout what?" Shikamaru asked, expression mulish. He knew dang well 'about what'.

"If you stay awake, or even work on your perceptiveness, you won't get wet." Iruka stated, staring up at the boy. "Now sit down and pay attention, I have a group assignment to hand out."

The class wide groans that followed the announcement were feeling. Iruka permitted himself a smirk; after all the problems this class had given him, he had the right to assign them difficult projects. Not even Neji and Lee's rivalry had caused him such difficulty.

"Your assignment is a history research project." More groans, "You and your group will find a landmark and research its history. The history of the landmark, monument, etc must be over a hundred years, and the Hokage Monument is off limits!" More groans and whines. "I am heartily tired of reading yet another poorly written, poorly researched paper done about the monument." That was his whine; he'd earned the right to it. "Your team must have a unique landmark, no duplicates.

"Now for your teams;" He started counting, up the benches to the back and then down again, vertically instead of horizontally. He hoped to separate his two personal headaches, Naruto and Sasuke, this way. The class was large enough that he'd have eight teams of five, and one of six.

Somehow, because of sporadic density, Sasuke and Kiba ended up on a team. Ino was next, and not so subtly gloated her victory over Sakura. Then Shikamaru, who groaned over how troublesome his teammates were. The population got thick again and-

"Oh no."

Naruto was sitting up nicely, grinning like a maniac as Iruka paused in his count. Thanks to the way the class was spread out or clustered, Naruto was going to be in the same group as Sasuke. Iruka sighed again in pain.

"Try not to cause too much chaos, please."

"Yes Sensei." Naruto chirped. On the other side of the classroom, Sasuke was having convulsions, trying to keep from laughing out loud in the middle of class. Doing so would ruin his image something awful. Kiba took advantage and tried to sneak out again.

"Oh, no you don't!" #pounce#

"Ouch! Sensei!!!"

Iruka tried not to whimper, class could not end soon enough for him.

* * *

_Troublesome assignment,_ Shikamaru thought as he and his team trooped out of the school building. He noticed Sasuke glance at his watch and then the position of the sun. And then the young Nara watched as Sasuke got tackled to the ground as Ino professed her undying love to the boy. 

"Sigh"

"Get the hell off of me, you psychotic leech!"

"Ah, Sasuke, you say the sweetest things."

"Did I just hear that?" Kiba asked Naruto and Shikamaru under his breath while Sasuke tried to pry Ino off with a handy stick. Needless to say, the stick broke before Ino's Glomp o' Death ™ did.

"_Help!_" Shikamaru arched a brow as the infamously proud Uchiha begged for assistance. Naruto immediately tried to rescue his foster brother, Kiba following a few moments later. _Huh, who needs daytime TV when you can just watch three boys get out-muscled by one girl._ Several minutes of prying, groaning and muted swearing passed before Shikamaru finally butted in.

"You know, if we wait too much longer, we're not going to be able to find a good landmark that the other teams haven't already gotten." He drawled, "Sakura's team might get a better grade than ours because of it." Ino launched to her feet, fire in her eyes, Sasuke forgotten in her zeal to defeat (aka: get a better grade than) her hated rival. On the ground, the pained groans came in triplicate.

"Well, shall we?" More groans as a weary Kiba hauled himself to his feet and Naruto helped a traumatized Sasuke up to his. The team took off, looking from some memorable land mark that the other teams hadn't gotten yet. Each time they found something promising, they'd go back to Iruka-sensei, who was organizing and grading papers, only to find that someone else had already claimed it. Finally, Naruto declared that they'd have to leave the inner city to get something good.

Shikamaru complained that that was too troublesome, and Kiba growled about taking orders from the blonde, but Sasuke agreed with Naruto and that was that. They headed out to the training fields, Kiba stating halfway there that he knew of something promising and quickly he led the way.

"Ta-da!" He said, dramatically pointing to a rectangular block of inscribed stone sitting in the middle of a small flagstone court. Ino looked at it curiously, and Shikamaru pondered what it could possibly be. There were a lot of names written on it. Then he noticed Naruto and Sasuke's expressions.

Naruto walked up to the stone, head bowed, and knelt before it, fishing a thin knife out of his pocket. He inserted the tip into a tiny, nearly invisible notch at the very top of the inset, inscribed face. Tugging, he was able to pull out the entire front slab and very carefully set it to one side. Then he pulled out another, then another.

On the fifth slab, he stopped and gently, perhaps reverently?- felt one name out of the mass of others.

"Is that-?" Sasuke asked softly from the spot he'd taken just behind Naruto.

"Yeah," The blonde said, sniffling and rubbing his eyes on his sleeve, "it's Kaa-san's name."

"What is it?" Ino asked gently, apparently aware that this was a sensitive subject.

"A memorial to fallen heroes." Sasuke answered gruffly.

"Should we, uh, I know something else that might…" Kiba offered awkwardly. Naruto's head was still bowed, the normally loudmouthed, overly cheerful idiot disturbingly quiet. Suddenly he shook and stood, grinning falsely.

"Why don't we go check that out?" He chirped. Shikamaru frowned, wondering suddenly if all of the blonde's cheer had always been as fake.

Kiba led the way again, leading the small team deep into the surrounding forest. They entered a thick patch where it was impossible to see more then a few feet in front. Suddenly, the undergrowth vanished and the five kids stood before the _biggest_ damned tree they'd ever seen in the tree-choked Fire Lands.

"It's got to be over four hundred feet tall…" (1) Sasuke murmured in awe. Shikamaru silently wondered about that, but thought that Sasuke was probably close to the truth. But the tree was not only tall, it was really thick too.

"It almost looks like it several trees grown together…" He said. The others nodded in agreement before moving closer. The impossible tree's base covered nearly as much space as the average small house. About forty feet up the branchless trunk was a thick rope with holy streamers, signaling that this was a revered tree. After that rope, the trunk split into several smaller others, each smaller trunk the size of a large tree itself. Between the split trunk and the way that the bottom trunk dipped and waved, it really looked like a dense thicket that had grown together over time.

"I wonder what's inside it?" Kiba said in a meant-to-be-overheard voice. Shikamaru noticed then that there did seem to be a hollow in the center of the nest of trunks.

"I wonder…" Sasuke mussed, his eyes half-lidded in curiosity. Naruto grinned at them all challengingly.

"I bet I can get up there first!" He said before racing up the tree.

"Cheater!" Kiba yelled, right on Naruto's heels, Sasuke a pace behind them.

"Boys!" Ino stated in the way all girls will when condemning the other sex. Shikamaru rolled his eyes, _mendokuse._

The three tree climbers swiftly reached the branching point, giving Shikamaru something with which to compare size. The tree was even larger than he'd initially thought; the rope alone was nearly the size of the other boys' torsos. The others let curiosity outweigh competition and immediately peered into the hollow. They paused, then-

"_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_" Down they came, so fast that Shikamaru and Ino didn't have time to respond as they swept past, grabbing the other two on the way. They kept running, _away _from the tree, ignoring Ino's demands to know what was going on and Shikamaru's pleas for them to please stop. The other three didn't stop until they ran into a silver-haired Jounin in a mask. Naruto and Sasuke immediately swarmed over to him.

_"KAKASHI-SAAAN!!!"_

"Out there-!"

"Big tree-!"

"Inside, out there-!"

"HU-UGE teeth and-!"

"Bones! Huge bones and-!"

"Scary stuff-!"

"Scales and spines and-!"

"The Teeth and-!"

"It was SCA-REE!!! WAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" The two finally chorused, each clinging to a leg while Kiba continued to cut off the circulation in Shikamaru's arm, much to the Nara's disagreement. Ino, in the mean time, looked like she was having a personal image shattered as she watched Sasuke act like any other eight year old would when he has encountered something traumatizing. The Jounin, Kakashi, sighed heavily and began to try and calm the boys down enough to deal with them. Shikamaru wished him the best of luck before he attempted to reclaim his maltreated arm.

* * *

"So that's all it was, just the remnants of a monster defeated long ago." The Hokage said, finishing the tale of how the many headed Hydra had been defeated by the four that would originate the Hyuuga, Nara, Aburame and Inuzuka clans. They were also known as the Founding Four, since legend had it that those four clans had inhabited the Konoha city valley long before Konoha had existed. 

The five children before him were clearly enraptured by the tale, Kiba and Shikamaru especially. Those two youngsters were amazed to hear how their ancestors had worked together to kill the foreign monster that had first ravaged the Nara's deer herds before moving onto the people.

Thankfully the founder of Nara had seen how each head that had been sliced off had been replaced and how long it took for that to happen. He had realized that if each neck stump was burned a new head couldn't grow. But how to get close enough to the monster to do that and not get eaten first?

Aburame had used his skill in manipulating insects to have them cover the monster's eyes; Inuzuka had sent his large, strong dogs to hold it down. There was some debate as to whether Inuzuka had joined his dogs in grappling the monster, personally Sandaime couldn't imagine that he _wouldn't_ risk his life along side his dogs'. Historians also debated as to who precisely between Hyuuga and Nara was the one to burn and the one to cut. Not that it matter, all four had risked their lives to kill the foreign, Western creature and then bury it beneath a Holy tree which had then grown to incredible size. The skeletal remains in the hollow of that tree had been what had frightened the boys so much since the remains still gave out a malevolent aura.

"So, are you still planning on using the tree in your history project?" Sandaime asked.

"_Yes!_" The five youngsters chorused loudly. Hokage chuckled softly at the children's enthusiasm while Kakashi nodded benevolently.

"Well, Kiba, Ino and Shikamaru can look up the rest of the legend in the library," Kakashi said, "But you two!" He pointed at Naruto and Sasuke, "You have remedial lessons to take and you are dead late."

"Ah, but Kakashi-_saaaaaaaaan_!" Naruto whined while Sasuke muttered about how Kakashi wouldn't know what being on time was even if it smacked him in the face. Shikamaru meanwhile discreetly urged Kiba and Ino to leave with him after he had bowed politely to Hokage.

Sandaime nodded back before returning to the paper work that engulfed his desk. He'd been interrupted in his repetitive readings and signings of petition after petition. But if the interruptions were like this last one, involving the precious children in his village in the most harmless of ways, he could stand to be interrupted more often. Sandaime wondered what kind of grade those youngsters would get, the Hydra legend had been all but forgotten, it could stand to be revived. Then he sighed, he had to get back to work.

* * *

Deep in the forest, under an ancient, giant tree, an even more ancient evil stirred. An old equally, evil power had revived it, and the presence of the descendants of its enemies had awoken it. It was too weak now to do anything, and its body was so many bones and dust. But that could change, with time and patience. It could wait, it had waited for thousands of years for its vengeance already, it could wait longer. Now, as always, time was on its side against these weak, mortal, mayfly humans. In time, it would have vengeance. All in due time.

* * *

(1): The General Sherman Tree in Sequoia National Park is 274.9 feet tall or 83.8 meters. Some redwoods have been recorded at around 350 feet or 106.7 meters tall. Therefore, the holy prison tree is _damned_ big, needless to say. 

A.S.: Dun dun _dun_. The plot thickens, but not really. I originally planned for the Hydra to just be something scary that the boys saw, but talking with my boyfriend/part-time beta reader decided me to have the Hydra be something _really _scary that all the kids had to face.

Does anyone recognize the legend that it came from? The Hydra was one of the monsters that Hercules had to face. He and his cousin (whose name I don't remember) fought it, Hercules slicing off heads, the cousin burning the stumps. Hercules then buried the immortal head under a rock somewhere. The end. I just borrowed the legend and tweaked it a little to suit my purposes. Does it work?

Did anyone notice how Naruto and Sasuke raced up to Kakashi like he was their protector? Cute ain't it?

One last thing: I AM A FANART WHORE!!!!!!!! Gimme fanart and I love you forever as well as type faster. I don't care how crappy you think your drawing is, mine's automatically worse in spite of two semesters in a drawing class. But because of those art classes, I think I can give some concrit if it's wanted.

And here I go rambling again. On to the next story and will someone tell Shisui to leave me alone? I don't want to start _Another_ fic and about him of all people! Ja ne y'all!


End file.
